In decision science, a properly understood context often makes the ‘decision’ a natural consequence that requires little thought. Contextualizing, therefore, is the activity we conduct poorly. Let’s explore!
I was an avid squash player and one day I hurt my back pretty badly. What was my decision here? There is no decision to be made. If I am functionally incapable of playing, then I cannot play until I am medically cleared to safely play. Some would say I should suck it up or power through it. That would be the ego talking. It is a separate choice to relinquish your captain’s chair to your ego or not.
For clarity, I like to use the 3Rs:
Reflex – As the name implies, something that occurs immediately as a result of the situation. “Rebound” or “reflection” also work nicely and maintain the same alliterative fun, like a billiard ball bouncing off a bank (oooh, that was alliterative fun too). If you place your hand on a hot stove your reflex is to remove it. If a ball is sailing toward your face your reflex is to avoid it or brace for impact. No thought is required, a reflex is what occurs by universal determination automatically.
Reaction – Stems from a cause but unlike a reflex is a learned response. When my kid was young and barfed all over me I would adeptly sop up the puke from my child and ensure he was okay and then attended to the smelly mess on me. No emotion, no revulsion, just mechanical puke attendance. If someone random walks over and barfs on you, by contrast, this is disgusting and you will not be calm. You will totally wig out. In both cases you will react with an understanding (the baby needs to be okay and then I need to restore hygiene or, I may need to right a situation and then I need to restore hygiene). The only difference is your state of mind in an otherwise mechanical set of steps you now must complete given what transpired.
Response – The whole shebang, where something (a decision point) has come to be and you need to consider your best course of action out of several options before it is acted out. Your neighbour is parking partially in your driveway. Your partner wants to get a tattoo. You are contemplating getting a puppy. Here is where you’ve got the most latitude to exercise your free will and not just react automatically to things.
Why does this distinction matter? Many people misattribute decisions to others that are not decisions, they are reactions, or natural consequences of their actions.
“Why did you decide to fire me?” “I didn’t decide to fire you, you punched your fellow employee and cannot remain employed here.”
“Why did you decide not to admit to your ballet school?” “I didn’t decide to reject you, your lack of ballet ability determined this outcome in advance.”
“Why did you decide we can’t be in a relationship?” “When you chose to be abusive you chose to not have a relationship.”
These are reactions, not responses, in my parlance. The outcome was predictable and therefore a decision (response) was not needed nor made, reactions play out natural consequences.
Some folks intervene where reactions should flow. Instead of being in the world to find their way, sometimes parents fund their adult children in lives they have not built. Or in a bad relationship, one party absorbs a lot of unpleasantness to avoid admitting that the relationship should end. These choices distort reality and create unnatural circumstances that carry all sorts of downstream repercussions.
Distortions can take place in both reactions and responses, the latter being not so uncommon, and in fact much of society is structured to influence the decisions of others as commonplace. We cannot possibly cover how to make good decisions, but from a spiritual standpoint, being yourself is always a formula for authenticity, which ain’t too shabby as an outcome.
